There are certain aspects of language usage that that you should be concentrating on when engaging in a deep level of listening, “listening to understand”. These aspects are:
-Repetition: Listen for repeated words or phrases. People repeat things because they want you to hear them! They are important for some reason. Use the same phrases back to them. They will help build rapport and show them that you are listening and hearing what they are saying.
-Emphasis: Listen for emphasis. People will put a tonal or other audible emphasis on words or phrases. They do this because they want you to understand that it is important. Notice it, repeat the emphasized word or phrase, and flag it in some manner, because again you want them to know you picked up on the emphasis.
-Congruence: Often the words will say one thing, but the tone of their voice tells you something else entirely.
The tone will often be supported by the body language you are seeing, and both of those are indicators of the state the person is in. If they are down, unhappy, nervous, preoccupied, frightened, bored or in some other negative state, it will be very obvious to you – ask them, what is wrong, how you can help, empathize, maybe suggest having the conversation at another time. You can also initiate a state change.
-State change: Sometimes you will notice a change of state as you talk, or you can do this deliberately. Change the conversation to another topic and if it is one that they like or relate to, they can become excited, funny, relaxed, fully engaged. Often you can change someone’s state simply by changing their environment or their posture. Suggest going out for coffee or stand up and look out the window.
-Look for internal dialogue. Internal dialogue occurs when people are thinking in the form of words, sentences or even a full debate. This is common to everyone and after a question shows
they are actually running a cognitive process, deliberating on their answer, don’t interrupt at this point. Let them think, what you will get back is a considered answer.
-”Door knob statements”: Often people will hold back real issues till the very end and let the bombshell drop as you are at the door. They may have been waiting to see if they feel they can trust you or building up the courage to share the information with you. You should always listen to those last words. They may be cryptic to some extent, but you can always gently ask for an explanation.
-Exclusion: Listen for what they haven’t said! Do a congruence ecology check against the physiology, against the facts, against what you already know. What have they left, unsaid?
These seven aspects might seem obvious but they are easy to forget. When you use them all on a regular basis you are guaranteed to provide your clients with a high quality service indeed.
Natalie Ekberg is an international personal and executive coach and offers self-improving, motivational and coaching e-courses and e-books as well as face to face or telephone coaching.
Question by soledadxx: who can help me with my english text?? It’s my 2nd language?
Today I would like to talk about my mother, who has had a very big influence on my life.
She was born in Arequipa , her father died when she only was ten years old, remaining with her mother, two sisters and a brother. When she finished high school, she decided to study nursing .At the age of 23 she fell in love with my father, they married and had three children including me. When I was five years old they divorced, leaving my brother , sister and myself under the guardianship of my mother.
I do not think that my mother has been the usual mother that one has, since her nursing duties were not allowing her spend a lot of time with us.
Besides being a single mother, she could progress without the help of a husband except the maintenance , she became an independent, determined, and practical person as regard to her home and to her children since if some problem was arising, she saw the means necessary to be able to solve it.
This is one of the ways that she influenced me, because I used to be alone at home the majority of time, so I had to see about my breakfast, wash my clothes, do the dishes, arrange my bedroom, clean and much more. It was in these years in which I became an independent person, thanks to her.
I have realized that one of the most important points, it has been the influence that she has had on me concerns the real life , she always wanted that I saw positive as negative aspects , she did not bring up me with a thought of perfect world, when she had the opportunity, she used to take me to hospitals where she was working, She was telling me the life of the patients, the reason of being hospitalized and much more.
It was very sad, to see especially, homeless children , children with serious diseases and without resources to finance operations, you really does not feel it until you see it.
I remember that she used to bring children of the ladies of the market to home, she was bathing them and was dressing them in clothes that already we did not wear.
despite we were not in a good economic situation, so It was a meaningful gesture from her
Finally, thanks to all the good and bad moments that I spent with her, I consider me as a helpful person .
points!!!!!!!!!
Best answer:
Answer by reeemix
Today I would like to talk about my mother. SHE has had a GREAT influence on my life. She was born in Arequipa. UNFORUNATLY, her father died when she only was ten years old. SHE WAS LEFT WITH HER MOM, 2 SISTERS, AND A BROTHER. When she finished high school, she decided to study nursing. At the age of 23 she fell in love with my father, they married and had three children including me. When I was five years old they divorced, leaving my brother, sister and myself under the guardianship of my mother.
I do not think that my mother has been the usual mother THAT SHE ONCE WAS, since her nursing duties were not allowing her spend a lot of time with us.
Besides being a single mother, she could progress without the help of a husband, EXCEPT WITH ONE THING, MAINTENCE. BECAUSE OF THIS, she became an independent, determined, and practical person REGARDING her home and her children. IF some problem was arising, SHE HAD THE QUALITIES necessary to be able to solve it.
This is one of the ways that she influenced me, because I used to be alone at home, the majority of time, I HAD TO MAKE my OWN breakfast, wash my clothes, do the dishes, arrange my bedroom, clean and much more. It was WITHIN these years that I became an independent person, thanks to her.
One of the MORE important points ALTHOUGH, IS THAT it has been the influence that she has had on me THAT concerns the real life; she always wanted ME TO BE OPTIMISTIC. She did not bring ME UP with a thought of NEGATIVE world. When she had the opportunity, she used to take me to hospitals where she was working, she TOLD me the life of the patients, theIR reason FOR being hospitalized and much more.
It was very sad, ESPECIALLY, TO SEE homeless children , children with serious diseases THAT DID NOT HAVE resources to finance operations. YOU REALLY CANNOT FEEL THE SADDNESS, UNTIL YOU SEE IT.
I remember WHEN she used to bring children of the ladies of the market to home, SHE BATHED THEM and DRESSED them in clothes WE HAVE OUTGROWN.
Despite OUR POOR FINANCIAL SITUATION, MY MOM HELPED, It was a meaningful gesture from her.
Finally, I THANK HER FOR all the good and bad moments that I spent with her, I’D consider mYSELF as a helpful person .
Good job!
Nice vocabulary!
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